i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
