I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
