Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
