love makes seman taste better
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
