Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
