i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
