my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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