I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
