she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
