Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
