AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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