Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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