So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i now understand why vodka
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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