I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
