If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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