that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
