That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
