It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
