i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
