Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
