Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
