Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
