If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There r osticjed everywhere
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
