I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize