I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
