I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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