I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
