you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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