At least make sure they are 18
Why
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize