I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
