Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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