She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
