I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
