got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
