Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize