He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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