do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
