I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
lol hangovers are for mortals.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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