You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
