I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
