I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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