I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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