hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
