Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
