i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
