I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
