grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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