My liver just broke up with me...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
