To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
