I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
