this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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