To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
