it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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