Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
