I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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