You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
