both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
