and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
