sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
