Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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