When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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