Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
