apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
