dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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