I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize