I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
