come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize