I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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