What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize