Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
