Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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